How The Church Is Failing Modern Relationships
Seeing the gaps in guidance for relationships, intimacy, and navigating life with faith
Much relationship advice online contains kernels of truth, yet many popular voices aimed at women frame empowerment in ways that clash with Christian faith. What’s often missing is practical, faith-centered guidance that meets both women and men where they actually are—offering grace, hope, and a clear “how” for building healthy relationships. Too often, the advice leans on manipulation, shame, guilt, control, transactional dynamics, or even elements of witchcraft, leaving little room for God’s vision of love.
Even helpful Christian guidance often doesn’t fully address real challenges in relationships—like repression, loneliness, temptation, lack of emotional closeness, absence of meaningful connection, and navigating counterfeit relationships—or how to handle these struggles in a God-centered way.
Researchers, psychologists, and public health experts say people today are lonelier than ever. In a world where many cope through distractions, fleeting intimacy, or transactional connections—options we’re often called to approach differently—what does this mean for us as Christ followers?
When are we going to be honest about the fact that community, girls’ nights, or “Bible study hangouts” are not substitutes for romantic relationships or the intimacy that comes with them? And when will we acknowledge that the “God is enough” trope, while true in principle, is sometimes used to spiritually bypass and minimize the very real struggles many Christian singles face?
Even when advice or theories are accurate, they can stir up past mistakes instead of promoting true healing or offering guidance for a better way forward. Often, there’s more focus on highlighting problems or pointing out what women are “doing wrong” than on showing a clear path ahead. Most of us already know or have known the issues—the difference, I think, lies in practical guidance.
The burden of this guidance often falls on leaders—who may be underprepared or have narrow perspectives that don’t fully account for unique experiences, past traumas, or the evolving challenges people face today.
Some simply aren’t able to engage with critical issues in a way that connects. In many cases, guidance that worked decades ago is still repeated, even though the world has changed dramatically.
I wish more Christians with platforms would speak to the nuances of relationships: navigating loneliness, resisting counterfeit connections, transaction culture, and cultivating genuine emotional closeness and trust, while pursuing true love with wisdom, patience, and faith.
Too often, the church overlooks the real-life struggles many face—especially in relationships—leaving both men and women underprepared for emotional and spiritual challenges. Studies show that relationships are among the strongest predictors of overall well-being and quality of life. Yet, of mainstream Christian conversation on relationships fixates on condemning feminism…while overlooking the unprecedented levels of violence women face worldwide and the rise of misogynistic rhetoric fuelled by fears that women’s success undermines men or contradicts ideals of being “godly” or “traditional.” At the same time, red-pill ideologies and long-standing abuses of power in relationships go largely unchallenged. By ignoring the widespread distrust and growing gender tensions shaping modern relationships, Christian leadership exposes a serious blind spot—one that, in some cases, doesn’t just fail to heal gender tensions but actively fuels it, both online and off.
This gap makes discipleship and support more necessary now than ever—for both men and women, and not just for young adults under the often-cited “30-ish” cap. For example, for younger women, where are the older women called to coach and train the younger, as Titus 2:3-5 instructs? Instead, we often find a community where many hesitate to open up to their peers, fearing gossip or judgment, particularly in groups that sometimes lack space for deeper understanding and meaningful conversation.
As Proverbs 4:7 teaches, “Wisdom begins with understanding.” The church must equip men and women to navigate relationships thoughtfully and with discernment, engaging the complex realities of modern life rather than offering overly simplistic guidance.
On mainstream Christian platforms, women for example, are often fed a narrow narrative about femininity, submission, or self-denial, when there are countless other angles to explore. I look forward to spaces where Christian leadership can discuss these realities with truth, grace, and hope—bridging the gap between what culture presents and what God calls us to in relationships.
If this resonates with you, consider subscribing to Dirty Chai, where I explore the space between faith, culture, and creativity. I’m building a community for people who understand these struggles and want to offer guidance, support, and conversation around real-life challenges in relationships. Your ideas, perspective, and engagement can help create a space where faith and lived experience meet in meaningful ways.